dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize