i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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