Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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