I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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You. Win. At. Life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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