I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize