mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
