and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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