I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
