I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
