White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize