and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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