party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
