$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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