I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have aggressive nipples.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
