he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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