You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's always time for handjobs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
