The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
