I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize