my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
