I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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