So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
