and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
