glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
