WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would ride that face into the sunset
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
