There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
