I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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