my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize