bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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