The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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