Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
