i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
