he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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