i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
