Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize