im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
