Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
