I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just high enough for therapy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
