So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
