Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
