She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
