I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
