Can Purell be used as lube?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
