i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
