I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
