maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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