So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
