would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
