it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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