So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
