does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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