I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
