I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
