This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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