no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
