thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
