apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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