this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
