so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
