Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
