jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It was confusing and full of hummus
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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