All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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