I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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