I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
