Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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