I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm determined to sit on that face.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
