she was so not down for the gang bang
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
