I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
