8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
