Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
