Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
