no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize