And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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