Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
