You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
